Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
