I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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