I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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