I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
