YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
This can only be settled by a dance off.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
