they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
