Betty ford says i'm here all night
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
