ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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