Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize