Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
