she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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