you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
