Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
