he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
