its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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