Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
