Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
