what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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