next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
