Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
