Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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