So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I need a beard to bite.
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