I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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