well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
