Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
