I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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