Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
