if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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