.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
