He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
