I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
