woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize
