if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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