??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I've blown a few things in my day
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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