so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
