Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i just google imaged poop.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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