grandma shit on top of the toilet
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
