are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
