her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
