I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
