I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
BRING THE BAGELS
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
