Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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