worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
