I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
