i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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