shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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