I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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