he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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