Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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