Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize