I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Sorry my hands just texted you
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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