why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
