my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
