I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize