her vagine was all disorganized.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
