i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize