belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
not ubering you a puppy
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
