Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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