i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Houston, we have a squirter
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
