Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I need to calm my uterus...
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
