Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
