I just saw a hot homeless man
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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