the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
