wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize