Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
