how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
