if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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