They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
