Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize