So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I didn't notice because vodka
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
