Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
