I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
