Well apparently he's into motor boating.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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