There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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