I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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