Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize