So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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