I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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