We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
