Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
