Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
