the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
