smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Randomize
