Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize