Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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