Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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