I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
