tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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