judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
