I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize