then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
