hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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