I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
