yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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