The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize