I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
