Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just want nice things and good sex
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
