found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
