When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize