so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize