worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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