Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
