matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
