But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
