he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
