i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
