I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
