I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
