You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
