smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
we're chasing vodka with high fives
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Randomize
