im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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