He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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