I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
