I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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