we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
